From time-to-time we need to lighten the discussion and take a little less serious look at ourselves and the world we function in every day. Thanks to E. P. Unum who found this article on the Internet. According to Snopes the article goes all the way back to 1998 and originated with the satirical Onion website. The only problem with the article is that given all the nonsense coming from Washington these days it is believable. Any piece of satire that lasts for twenty-four years and seems as relevant today as it was then might just have a little underlying truth to it.
Democratic Senators are considering introducing legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans with No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Finally, the Americans with No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”
“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Maxine Waters, Elizabeth Warren & Nancy Pelosi… all Americans with No Abilities!
Before we dismiss this tongue-in-cheek look at Congress let’s consider some of their recent legislation.
First, we have the Inflation Reduction Act where an additional $750 billion will be pumped into an already overheated economy. So as the FED is doing everything it can to reduce the money supply to curb inflation, Congress does the opposite.
Second, there are the new 87,000 friendly IRS agents who will focus their time on only the wealthy. Since the wealthy pay the bulk of the taxes now and can afford lawyers and tax accountants, who will the new agents really concern themselves with?
Third, and for now we have to give this one to the President, the student loan debt relief. Unless I am wrong the Supreme Court will kick this one back to Congress after the elections. The President knows our kids are so poorly educated that they have no idea that only Congress can forgive the debt after a vote, not the President. But don’t rule Congress out on this one, they love young votes also.